It is a funny thing, technology is both my saviour in the workplace and my executioner. I am a socially awkward person in certain circumstances, and I do attach the label of odd to myself as many others have done so in the past, I don't mind because I accept it to be true. I am truly always the one who can be seen shuffling around in the background, desperately not trying to meet the gaze of strangers and fluffing 'hellos' to people I barely know.
Years ago, when you were in work, the people you worked with were the people you interacted with during your working day. These days not so much as I have always found in the past I tend to not have an awful lot in common with the people I work with, whereas online via sites such as Facebook and Twitter I interact with (Work permitting) my friends and with various other people I have a lot more in common with). The end result is I'm finding myself making less effort with work colleagues, now on the whole and going by past experiences this is no huge loss.
However it has got me thinking what the end result of this will be, could we end up THX1138 style drones just doing our work and not bothering to engage with the person sitting next to us.................but it doesn't matter anyway as they are doing exactly the same thing, so at least nobody is getting offended.
There is a serious side to this some companies take a dim view and have blocked social networking sites within their systems......granted there are sometimes practical reasons for this but the benefits of these sites are being explored as well.....however I'm digressing from my point. Will this see the end of the cliche 'Water Cooler Moments' in work......also what will this mean for office romances....will they all become virtual? Well at least that means the guy with body odour problems who runs the post room might actually be in with a chance.....
What about office parties and work nights out, will the retreat into virtuality see the end of those horrendous experiences? So you see it's not all bad.......
Anyway I've just fallen off my chair the person sitting across from me has just asked me 'Do I like Glee'? - It's an outreach moment and no mistake.....
Tuesday 14 June 2011
Monday 13 June 2011
Was That Me?
Tues 19th
AM..........Woke up feeling tired as usual, the same thoughts that were in my head when I went to sleep are there when I wake up. The constant grind of routine is killing me, the same old feelings the same old tropes.The same banging my head against a brick wall. Basically I'm trying really hard not to overthink or even think about things at all, as I'm worried I will just want to crawl back into bed. Cup of coffee and I'll focus on the rest of the day after that.
Midday.....The sun is shining and I'm still dealing with crap, more rejection, more applications, more phone calls. I seem to be trapped in a rut......starting to believe I'm no good to anybody,feels like something is pulling me down and I'm going to take everybody with me.
PM......That was a terrible day,I've just wanted to scream and shout for the last hour, fell apart and just lay on the bed. My mind was totally numb, nothing was going through it at all. Why am I feeling like this? I want it to stop, I want to feel the way I used to feel.....that seems like such a long time ago.......can't do this anymore today.
Wed 20th
AM..............The day got off to a brilliant start more fighting, all my own fault. I'm not thinking things through, and I seem incapable of doing such a simple thing. I wish I knew where all this was going? It's always the same. Get up for nothing, go through the day for nothing! Sick of it!
Midday.......I'm finding this quite hard to do, as I feel much worse after I've done it, and there are still hours of the day left before I can go back to bed. I miss the person I used to be...that's a good thing right? Missing things is good isn't?
PM...........I've been sitting on a bench for the last 30 odd minutes, staring at nothing...........I know where this is going now...more counselling, more prescriptions for stuff I don't even want......
The above I discovered in an old notebook, and to be honest I'd forgotten I'd ever written it,it was done at the behest of my GP, he wanted me to keep a journal for a few days to ascertain my level of depression.....and as most people know if you don't self harm or wish to harm others or think about killing yourself then you're not that bad.
The scary thing for me was realising how little things had changed in my head, I had just learned to control them a bit better......that was until the end of last year...when my old adage of 'I'm okay I'm always okay just didn't seem to cut it anymore, and feeling the control slipping away from me again terrified me.....it's all about control.
AM..........Woke up feeling tired as usual, the same thoughts that were in my head when I went to sleep are there when I wake up. The constant grind of routine is killing me, the same old feelings the same old tropes.The same banging my head against a brick wall. Basically I'm trying really hard not to overthink or even think about things at all, as I'm worried I will just want to crawl back into bed. Cup of coffee and I'll focus on the rest of the day after that.
Midday.....The sun is shining and I'm still dealing with crap, more rejection, more applications, more phone calls. I seem to be trapped in a rut......starting to believe I'm no good to anybody,feels like something is pulling me down and I'm going to take everybody with me.
PM......That was a terrible day,I've just wanted to scream and shout for the last hour, fell apart and just lay on the bed. My mind was totally numb, nothing was going through it at all. Why am I feeling like this? I want it to stop, I want to feel the way I used to feel.....that seems like such a long time ago.......can't do this anymore today.
Wed 20th
AM..............The day got off to a brilliant start more fighting, all my own fault. I'm not thinking things through, and I seem incapable of doing such a simple thing. I wish I knew where all this was going? It's always the same. Get up for nothing, go through the day for nothing! Sick of it!
Midday.......I'm finding this quite hard to do, as I feel much worse after I've done it, and there are still hours of the day left before I can go back to bed. I miss the person I used to be...that's a good thing right? Missing things is good isn't?
PM...........I've been sitting on a bench for the last 30 odd minutes, staring at nothing...........I know where this is going now...more counselling, more prescriptions for stuff I don't even want......
The above I discovered in an old notebook, and to be honest I'd forgotten I'd ever written it,it was done at the behest of my GP, he wanted me to keep a journal for a few days to ascertain my level of depression.....and as most people know if you don't self harm or wish to harm others or think about killing yourself then you're not that bad.
The scary thing for me was realising how little things had changed in my head, I had just learned to control them a bit better......that was until the end of last year...when my old adage of 'I'm okay I'm always okay just didn't seem to cut it anymore, and feeling the control slipping away from me again terrified me.....it's all about control.
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